I thought my first blog was tough to do the second one is even harder.  I have so many things to talk about and my mind can't decide which one.  I start one and by the start of the second paragraph I lose interest at the topic and or I get distracted by another idea.  I think I have 6 drafts.  In the last 2 days I have been emotionally heart broken over the attack in Peshawar.  I can not get those children out of my mind nor hearts.  I keep thinking about their last moments on earth and how it ended with fear in their hearts.  Then my heart breaks for their parents who could not imagine in million years that this would be the last day they would see their child again.  Then I read the worlds heart warming support and understanding of the event and it gives me hope that we all care for their loss.  Then I get angry at all the finger pointing of the blame game which never helps in time of crises.  Then I start judging the people that have moved on to different topics like Noreen Khan whom I was following on twitter and saw her posting a picture of herself wearing a sari with no care in the world.  I un followed her to protest her not using her celebrity base to bring about awareness and demand for more unity.  I tweeted her my disgust of her ability to move on. Then I felt bad for doing that because who the hell I'm I to be mad at her.
All I want to do is find a way to make these terrorist stop hurting people. I can't give up on the idea that there is a way. I have so much faith that someday all this will be over and we all will live a safe and peaceful lives.  Even writing this makes me sound very naive but I can't help not be optimistic.  I believe the bad people in the world you can count in 1 hand, they just happen to be more evil then we are good.  I believe these kids deaths will unit more of us to take a stand and make a difference for other children.  I don't believe god does anything without a good reason.  Everything happens for a good reason. Everything!

Wow! I used to make fun of people who would call themselves bloggers.  It sounded so pretentious and bourgeois.  I always imagined them being those cafe latte drinkers who would drink red wine with dinner and knew how to take care of orchids.  I am none of these people.  I don't even drink coffee, I don't drink any kind of alcoholic beverage and even if I am looking at an orchid from a window they die on me.  So why I'm I blogging?  Couple of reasons: my sister Najla thought it would be therapeutic for me since my illness.  I have soooooo much to say and the listeners around me have heard it already so cast a wider net of listeners, but more importantly and I reluctantly say this out loud I am hoping my words could bring either a smile on someones face, provoke a thought that could change their mind for the better,  be an outlet for them to escape their own lives, or better yet my words could cause someone to help just one other person.  There is a Afghan Proverb "every drop ends up making an ocean."
By nature I am an extremely private person.  I have actually lost friends for not sharing too much about my personal thoughts and or feelings.  So this adventure of blogging will be something for me to cross off my bucket list before I die.